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It was a beautiful day here in Austin, so there was hope that maybe the new five song EP from the Dallas and Austin split quintet Blue Condition would provide a short soundtrack for a quick drive around town. Sadly, the only way Cheap Wine could become some sort of road trip soundtrack for this reviewer was if it literally got stuck in the CD player and I was forced to drive my car, Thelma and Louise style, into the goddamned Grand Canyon. At one point, I even had to roll up my windows at a stop light because I was embarrassed by the mortified looks from the middle aged woman in the car next to me. She probably was wondering how the hell someone could be blaring Blue Condition so loud yet look so disinterested. After all, don’t you usually blast rock because you’re enjoying it? (Or because you’re half deaf thanks to the sound man at Emo’s).
There’s no doubt that the five guys in Blue Condition are nice guys; they look like earnest, upstanding citizens in the liner notes and they can all apparently play their instruments pretty well. But, that’s where things fall apart completely on Cheap Wine. After the third time through the EP, I was thinking this was music for people who worship Ben Harper. Then I realized that if the guys in Pearl Jam like Ben Harper, maybe I’m just not giving Ben Harper enough credit so I struck that from my description of Blue Condition. I’d even go so far as to say that this is the kind of music that fans of Collective Soul or Train would enjoy, but that’s not fair to fans of Collective Soul or Train. I think I’d be cheapening the experience that many thirty-six year old women enjoy while wearing awkwardly tall high heels, drinking shitty wine, and waving their Louis Vuitton handbags around at a Train show if I said, “You’ll love Austin’s Blue Condition too!”
“Where You Goin”, the opener to Cheap Wine, starts with what I thought was going to be a twangy rip-off of “Cherry Pie”. The riff was good enough to make me turn the stereo up. Alas, it quickly degenerates into standard blues based bar music. Lead singer Michael Elford has an all too common sounding warble, but he carries the tune over David Garrett Mucha and Mike Townson’s solid guitar playing. But, together it sounds like a sexless and swaggerless version of the Black Crowes. Imagine replacing all the things that made the Crowes great (sex, drugs, some more sex, some druggy sex, alcohol abuse, bandmates despising each other, rinse, repeat, do not wash) with a bunch of summer camp counselors who hug it out when they have a bad day. That’s “Where You Goin” for this listener.
And, it doesn’t get better. By the time the title track kicked in on my little drive ‘round town, I was actually looking for a way to end it all. Maybe I could get t-boned by an 18 wheeler, but what if the CD survived the wreck and the last thing my ears heard was Blue Condition crooning about drinking cheap wine!? You can’t sing about drinking cheap wine if your definition of cheap wine is the thimble served during services. Maybe I’m reading it all wrong and these guys have spent the night trying to see how many boxes of Franzia they can finish just “because”, but I’m guessing not. Across the five songs on Cheap Wine, there was never an “a-ha” moment where I had an epiphany that this could end up alright and I could see into some future reality where Blue Condition’s next move was one of artistic genius. That doesn’t make them unique, because artistic genius (musically OR literally!) is obviously quite rare; the rest of us are destined to be derivative in varying degrees.
Anyhow, on Cheap Wine, the band sounds tight and the production is exquisite, but the entire EP just sounds like all the fun in rock and roll was sucked out by a giant vacuum cleaner. In so many ways, these five songs just feel like the antithesis of all things “rock and roll”. Flaccid, and not the least bit cocksure, Blue Condition missed the mark completely on Cheap Wine.
Websites:
www.blueconditionmusic.com
Myspace
Dude, is it that bad man!
We heard the CD and is pretty good for us.
Thanks for posting.
I love this music. Let me guess. You want to be a writer but can’t get published so you write reviews. Also would guess you are not a musician.
Blue Condition is on my label. For a rave review of the same cd, read what iTunes wrote about the album.
Im gunna guess you probably like the new age hippie bullshit all the other austonians like… and judging by the amount of comments, you are just trying to stir up some shit to get some type of readership for your “i run this out of my moms house” website… but thats just how this reader views it
Here is another review (written before this one), you decide:
iTunes Review
Influenced by classic rock and American blues music, as well as more recent radio bands like Gin Blossoms and Goo Goo Dolls, Blue Condition balances the grit of vintage tones with innovative songwriting to create catchy tunes that simultaneously sound both familiar and new. In contrast with similarly rootsy contemporaries like the Black Crowes or Black Keys, Blue Condition’s singer Michael Elford inflects with his natural voice, creating an interesting contrast.
On the upbeat opening number “Where You Goin,” while the band fashions blues-tinged rock out of Dobros, slide guitars, Matchless amps and old Fender gear, Elford’s smooth tenor floats above the instrumentation sounding more relevant than retro. The title track riffs on a humble boogie-rock groove before Elford’s smoky voice ushers in the group who play with a clearly honed chemistry while boasting some impressive accompanying vocal harmonies. Not since U2’s Rattle and Hum has a band so fluidly balanced bygone bluesy resonance with modern day pop sensibilities.
Itunes actually reviewed the music of Blue Condition because of the rave reviews from fans and purchasers alike. Itunes give it top reviews and Blue Condition has been in the adult contemporary charts in top 25 for the same songs that you ripped. I think that your critique is inaccurate by far.
Maybe it was just your Kia stereo that sounded bad but everything I heard I liked.
Your harsh opinion seems out of place. I encourage everyone to listen to Cheap WIne and enjoye it for themselves.
I do not think I need to point out the obvious—the review is unfair and never offers any real critique of the music other than the reviewer does not like it. If a review does nothing more than reveal the writer’s subjective taste in music, it is of little value. In our day, we also had the conceit of youth with our mantra “don’t trust anyone over thrty.” However. we were happy to have those over thirty at our shows ( even 36 year old women) and were not aware that rock and rock had to be “fun”. The 60s were serious times and the best music then, as now, was not about sex and drugs, Most rock now is so derivative that the young artists (and some young reviewers) probably do not even know where the music came from. Blue Condition is evolved, roots based rock at its best in my own subjective opinion.
First of all, the reviewer must have hit the “sounds like” dead on, since he compared the band to Collective Soul and Train yet a review that you’re all orgasming over compares the band to the Goo Goo Dolls and Gin Blossoms. And, that same review you guys love mentions the Black Crowes.. just like this review.
Second, the review clearly does critique the music. He critiques it by saying everything sounds solid, but it’s boring, sexless, shit on a stick. What exactly do you expect from a review? A technical discussion about how the guitarist played some arpeggiated fifths?
Finally, any iTunes review comparing some bar band to U2’s Rattle and Hum — and saying it’s the best of it’s type since that album which was released, what? 20 years ago? — is useless. I can assure you that there has been at least one band since Rattle & Hum that was released that does whatever Blue Condition does.. and does it better. You might have heard of some of them: Black Crowes, Gin Blossoms, and Goo Goo Dolls.
@Norma- Dun Dun Dun. The reviewer was obviously just published. Right here. On this website. And the classic “You are not a musician” tactic is awesome!
Obviously, you don’t give feedback on why you do or do not like a meal, because you’re not a professional chef! And, you should never ever tell your friends what you didn’t like about a movie unless your last name is Spielberg!
Preach on sister, preach on!
I forgot this priceless little gem:
“Blue Condition has been in the adult contemporary charts in top 25 for the same songs that you ripped”
And after looking at their myspace and listening to a song or two.. Adult Contemporary?! You guys are defending a band of 20 year old tools in vests with picture perfect hair and pouty facial expressions? And they make “Adult Contemporary” music? Holy shit.
HOLY SHIT.
When I was 25, the last thing I wanted to do was make music that my mother would enjoy. And, I certainly — having grown up at the time when the Gin Blossoms were marginally famous and having seen the Goo Goo Dolls before they put on eye makeup and stopped being a power pop garage band — wouldn’t brag about sounding like that shit. Hard rock, indie rock, punk rock, garage rock, it’s not for everyone.. but really? The fucking GIN BLOSSOMS!? That’s who a bunch of dudes WANT their band to sound like? No way. NO WAY.
WHILE WEARING A BLOUSE!?
That’s not rock and roll. That’s a feeble attempt to get laid. Ha.
So, can we look forward to his food reviews and movie reviews next?
@Bob- One can hope so! But probably not on a site called “Austin Sound”. Maybe “Austin Screens” or “Austin Diner”?
My cat’s breath smells like catfood (records).
Why does everyone keep pointing out the iTunes review? Don’t you know that iTunes is trying to sell you the music - conflict of interest much? I don’t really care about this band, but have some perspective people! iTunes sees that something has some traction, so they promote it to make more money. Whether you agree or disagree with what the reviewer has to say here, at least you know it’s objective (as objective as any “review” can actually be). You people holding up an iTunes review as proof that this review is “wrong” are idiots.
It is actually very difficult to get reviews from Itunes for Independent bands. In fact it’s hard as hell… To simply state something you have no idea about goes to show how much of an idiot you are.
This review is poorly written and arrogant. This is not a review… Its a story about a guy in a car having a bad day…
I have seen this band on several occasions perform in Austin and their music has always made people mesmerized. I have actually got a chance to see them perform with Austin blues legend Malford Milligan. Amazing!!!
This is a Texas band with blues/rock/alternative genre style. Any radio charts with that mix of genres is a good thing and shows that you are dead wrong on your reviews and comments! Last time I checked most bands that get poor reviews are certainly something to listen to. Critics typically always have it wrong!
Listen for yourself and decide!
More exclamation points, please!!!!! !! !
!!
!
If it’s so hard to get reviews on itunes, then pasting some press release A&R sounding bullshit isn’t going to convince anyone to listen to the band. That’s like reading the reviews at AllMusic.com.
Also, Malford has got talent. He’s got soul and sounds more than distinctive, unlike guys who would actually be proud to be compared to bands who are derivatives of derivatives (read: Gin Blossoms and Goo Goo Dolls). So, let’s not drag his name through the mud any more than necessary.
Rick, the point of a review is to give the reviewers point of view. If you literally took everyones’ opinions on every album - good and bad - every band would get 5 out of 10 stars. No band has every universally been loved, and if you don’t believe that, I recommend a book titled “How The Beatles Destroyed Rock and Roll”. If someone could claim the Beatles destroyed rock and roll, crapping on YOUR favorite band is pretty damned easy.
Oh, a “Texas band” and “alternative” ? To what? Hip Hop? At this point, “alternative” doesn’t exist but Blue Condition isn’t the “alternative” to anything. They are as “alternative” as lukewarm water and as Texan as George W. Bush. There’s no twang, there’s no drawl, there’s no songs about cows and steers and queers. It’s just generic, just like the Gin Blossoms.
B
O
R
ING.
Also, it is hard to take a guy seriously when he calls something “poorly written” and then says “its a story…” when he should have said “it’s a story…” or “it is a story…”
Just sayin’, Rick.
Actually, Malford Milligan is a fan of Blue Condition and Austin musicians Tommy Taylor (Christopher Cross and Eric Johnson drummer), and Lance Keltner as well as former David Bowie bass player now with Joe Bonamassa Carmine Rojas are all impressed with the talent of Michael Elford (blue condition lead singer/songwriter) and have recorded with him in Memphis. That session was produced by multilple Grammy winner producer Jim Gaines. In case no one recognizes his name, he produced SRV’s Grammy winning In Step and credits include Neville Bros, Steve Miller, Luther Allison and 30 years with Santana. He is very selective on artists he works with and is producing the next Blue Condition project starting in March. I am not going to post any more here and did not know it existed until this morning. I believe in the band and will defend this music. People who have made a reputation in the business and whose opinions I do respect share my opinion of the band. It pisses me off to see a mean-spirited “review” that amounts to nothing more than I do not like this music.
I represent Malford Milligan, Blue Condition, Harber and Miller Band, Tracy Conover, John Gaar and The Hopeful Souls, Red River Mudcats and many more from Austin, Texas. I will tell you that Malford Milligan has performed on stage with Blue Condition. They open shows for Malford Milligan in many parts of Texas and are his featured opening artists when they are available. Malford Milligan has been informed of this poor and arrogant review and has said that Blue Condition is one of the best new artists to come out of Austin/Dallas in a very long time. Malford Milligan fully supports Blue Condition and also states that in some ways this band is as good or even better than his old band Storyville.
Regards,
Royce Richmond
Modern Collective
Artist Agent/Management/Designer
Ad Hominem attacks against the reviewer FTL.
What he did: 1) Described the sound, 2) Passed judgment on the sound. I don’t think that is stepping outside of his scope. My band has been reviewed hundreds of place–most have been flattering, several have not. But NEVER, EVER, have I (or someone representing me, such as our label head) posted something on the reviewer’s site, or sent a letter to the editor to contest a bad review. When you send music out to music writers you are at the mercy of their opinions. If your ego is too fragile to handle what is said about your music, then sit in your bedroom and don’t send it out.
Anyone who has ever read a record review knows that it comes down largely to the opinion of the writer. The readers of this site are smart enough to know that there is no empirical way to judge music. Give them a little credit in that respect. You don’t need to come on here and offer them “the other side of the argument”. If you have some interest in their matter (ie. record label) than you definitely should not.
Be more professional. And also, shut up.
Thanks for turning me on to Blue Condition. They rock!!!
So basically… what I got from this article is, because these guys have morals and aren’t talking about fucking and drugs, or smashing guitars upside fan’s heads.. you don’t like the music. You think that because it’s a younger group of dudes, they should be more “hard”… and also you said something about what are they doing playing that kind of music…
I’m surprised reading this on an Austin Music website- but either way, the fact that they are doing something a little more mature than everyone else their age and I’m sure still enjoying it, I think that’s pretty damn cool. I’m personally not a huge fan of blues or slower rock, I make hip hop… so that’s kind of the opposite. ha
But even I think it’s a little fucked up that you criticize them for basically playing a certain type of music that they enjoy… at least that’s what I got out of your article. If ya boy likes “Adult contemporary” (or whatever the fuck it’s officially classified as) and can kick it out… then by all means kick that shit out!
At least you do give a tiny bit of credit and say they overall sound good, but having listened to them and not even being a fan of the style of music- I thought the review focuses on all the wrong things man. The first thing I was thinking as I started to get into the review was that one of these guys picked on you in school or something, haha. But hey, maybe all your reviews have that harshness and that’s just your style.. either way, thanks for writing it up but, it would be more helpful if you’d focus on the quality of the music being played.
Why write a review for a genre of music that you obviously hate to begin with? haha. That’s my 2 cents..
Andrew, if you think the review focused on the wrong things, why don’t you join the staff of AustinSound and write some reviews?
The reviewer does not “criticize them for basically playing a certain type of music that they enjoy”… he criticized them for playing that style of music in a completely derivative and uninteresting way.
The review criticizes them for making bland, uninspired music– not for making music in a genre that’s bland and uninspired. I think you’re blurring the lines between the commenters (like myself) who mocked the genre itself and the reviewer.
There’s a (not so) subtle difference between those two things.
This article actually is a HUGE help to Blue Condition. This article was written with sarcasm ALL THE WAY! It’s a trap for blind ego’s…hahaha!
Marc Perlman doesn’t seem to be a newbee at this. He got it right just as much as Kanye West’s marketing idea to take the mic away from Taylor Shit.
Right on Marc…I like Blue Condition too.
P.S. - AndrewM…right on amigo!
SongClash LLC
http://www.songclash.com
“Bring the music…”
Thanks for the publicity! We’re certainly not gonna cry over a bad review, nor are we going to change our style, image, etc. because of it. We understand the music industry and the good and bad that comes with being an up-and-coming band trying to make it, and certainly don’t expect anyone to be “argued” into becoming a fan of our music. People, please listen to it, and if you like it, by all means we’d love your support… and if you don’t, it’s cool, it just means that you have different tastes than we do. I hope that Marc wasn’t actually victimized by us in the second grade, and if so I would like to apologize on behalf of the band!
PS. Mr. Perlman, please don’t get into a traffic accident because of us, we would just hate ourselves and probably have to dedicate our next album to you. Keep writing and come see us play in Austin sometime, we’ll buy you a drink!
Good job to the band’s representation for going out of their way to debase themselves to the level of common forum posters. It is the job of representation to know when to stay quiet and not intervene, and by not doing so, it give legitimacy to both this website and the view that Blue Condition’s reps are amateurish. If your band is really that great, why come to a comparably small website and flex your nuts?
They aren’t that great. I’m sure they could move units like all hell, but that is hardly what makes music great or leads to a good review. Yes, this review is over the top, but i’m sure it is intentionally so, to contrast with the boring nature of the music he is reviewing.
J.Fire did, however, find the best possible revenge–dedicating their next album to this man. What a punishment…
I absolutely LOVE Blue Condition! The lead singer is HOT… VERY HOT!
For the record, I really like Blue Condition and think Michael Elford’s voice is great, with a wide full range. They are even better live. I’m hoping to hear much more from this band in the future and will continue to buy their records. Each to their own opinion.